Today, I did what I usually do: School, then lunch, then home. I was depressed as I have been for months now. I was thinking about the past and how I wish I could change it, and about my current problems. I do this everyday. Then when I got home, I was mad at myself for missing opportunities to further connect with people on campus. I really should have stayed on campus instead of commuting.
So anyway, I get home, play some Xbox, then take a nap. 9/10 I don't get or remember my dreams. But this time, I dreamed about a certain family member coming close to death. The reason why this struck such a nerve and startled me so much, is because I have yet to have had to deal with the passing of someone close to me. All the deaths in my family have not been devastating, as I was not that close to those people.
I remember the dream in bits and pieces...I drove to some sort of amusement center. A Dave and Busters type place. (This reminds me of that movie Inception. DeCaprio explains in the movie that we do not remember the beginning of dreams usually, just the middle. He explained some other stuff that I can't recall that was related to this)
My close(debatable if this is true anymore) family member was there. As I was walking around, I saw this family member in line for something. Let's call the family member X. X had a pale skin tone. At first, I started to wonder why my skin wasn't pale, or if it was going to be pale, or if it now was.
Then, I had the horrible epiphany that X was about to die soon. Rather it was cancer or just old age, their time was coming to an end. X started talking to me in a way that was profoundly sad.
Then, at home, I broke down in tears while sitting next to X. I was about to tell X how sorry I was for everything I had done, and I was about to tell X the reasons why I was this way. Then I realized that I was only doing this because X was about to die...and I was ashamed. Just as I was about to tell X how sorry I was, I woke up from the dream. My heart was racing.
2 minutes later, X came into my room and asked if I could drive them to pick up their car. I said OK and was ready to go in 30 seconds. I dress fast. I'm not like other family member that takes 20 minutes to get ready to go anywhere. So, on the drive to the car shop, I asked X what they thought about my "check engine" light being on. X said it could be many things. Then, X said to keep checking the engine and it's many parts. X said that its like a person; I knew it's heartbeat more than anyone else, because it was my car. X said that just like observing a person, I should be able to tell if it was having trouble starting, trouble getting going, if it was near the end.
I know this is all coincidence. Nothing in my life has given me ample reason to believe in anything beyond the harsh realities of the world.
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